Student Bloopers: Part Duh

As any teacher will tell you, the most wonderful time of the year is not Christmas, but the last day of school. As much as I am truly sad to say goodbye to some of my students (especially graduating seniors), I am never sad to say goodbye to all of the papers I've had to grade all year. Most of the time, it is tedious, mind-numbing, soul-sucking work, but every now and then I stumble across gems like the following, which have all been taken from journals, essays, and quizzes from my sophomores this past year:

1. One bad thing about getting older is things like loose eyesight and hair.
2. When your old your not as fast as before and you can’t get on many rides in the theme parks.
3. When you’re old you can get chicken necks and other things you don’t want like flabby arms.
4. The good thing when you are old is that you already have your life sedaled. You already found your true love, and you don’t have to work really hard because you are already retarded.
5. When you get older you won’t be able to work, but the government will start giving you some money.
6. I think growing old is not a good idea.
7. Something I fear about school is testes.
8. She got kicked out of school for the position of drugs.
9. Maria decided she wanted a family and went man seeking.
10. Unfortunately, her grandmother got sick and pasted away.
11. Pete is 42, he lives in Garden Grove, and he’s still alive.
12. Her most embarrassing moment was when she fell while wherein a dress.
13. She would always go to school with her only friend, who was her best friend.
14. He would always get picked on by his older brothers and he always wanted to probe himself with his brothers to show them that he can do better.
15. He affected others greatly because of his neglectual character.
16. When people start gossiping and tell their friends not to talk to certain people, that starts prejudice. This can happen at school, work, etc. This is a major problem all over the world and has actually started a couple of wars.
17. Regarding Claudio from Much Ado About Nothing: “He is a very gentle man and is easily pleasured.”
18. Q: What town is To Kill a Mockingbird set in? A: Mowtown

Fahrenheit 451 quiz answers:
19. Captain Beatty said the reason they ban books is because they want the equal smart rights for everyone.
20. Montag calls Emergency because Mildred has overdozed.
21. Mankind is like the mythical Phoenix because they are the same.