Most of the time, I enjoy being a teacher for all of the meaningful and noble reasons that one would normally associate with teaching: inspiring and shaping young minds, guiding students in developing skills that will help them become better citizens of tomorrow, the creativity and diversity that each day brings, and my own passion for the subject matter. But there are also those days when I enjoy teaching simply for the opportunity to laugh at the unintentionally hilarious ignorance of my students. This might make me sound petty and cruel, but try grading hundreds of high school essays week after week and you’ll soon discover that it’s either laugh yourself silly or cry with despair as you realize that these people will someday be in charge of taking care of you when you are old and weak and in your most helpless phase of life.
All of the following excerpts are from essays my sophomore students wrote during first semester. The ones having to do with historical figures came from a standardized essay prompt they had to answer for a quarterly benchmark. It asked them to write about someone important they had studied in school. The rest are from a random hodgepodge of essays and timed writings I’ve had my students write throughout the semester. I couldn’t resist adding my own parenthetical comments for some of them.
Enjoy your own petty and cruel laughter:
1. One person I studied this year was Napoleon Buenoparte. (This would be Napoleon Bonaparte’s nicer Spanish cousin)
2. Some people believe Che Guevara was a diptator. (Apparently, these people thought he was ruthless but also a little on the dumb side)
3. The persons in history did many things from inventions to dance moves. (This student went on to write about Eli Whitney. If the Cotton Gin were a dance move, I imagine it would be something along the lines of The Sprinkler or The Lawn Mower.)
4. Martin Luther King Jr. did not agree with how black people were being treated back then in his time. He decided to free the black slaves and give them the same rights just like everyone else. (This student probably also thinks that Harriet Tubman wouldn't give up her seat on the bus)
5. Magellan is my favorite because he was the first dude to sail around the world successfully. (He also found some sweet surfing spots)
6. It was really hard for him because the town made him their escape goat. (He wasn't very fast with someone on his back, but he did well enough.)
7. Those were the days when you had to use a Bowen arrow. (Because the Bowen Company makes the BEST arrows)
8. We had to get up at the crack of don. (Because no matter how early we set our alarms, our plumber roommate Don always got up first)
9. He got in trouble for using fowl language. (Apparently, some people find pigeon coos and starling warbles offensive)
10. Charles Lindbergh was a very brave man. He was married and had kids. (Actually, this kid may be pretty smart)
The rest defy snarky comments:
11. I once read in junior high a biography about Albert Einstein. I read it in math class. It was either put it down and do math homework or read about Einstein, so I read about him.
12. Thomas Jefferson is one of the most interesting figures of the American Revolution. Without him and a couple more people the country would not be the same.
13. When he was a little boy he had a new red bike, which was his pride possession.
14. Well, I wrote a report on a man named Cesar Chavez, who was a boxer in a small town.
15. My father is special enough to study. The reason why is because he does certain things that is not normal for a personal to do. For example, he can do a handstand on his forearms and walk for a long time without feeling pain.
16. This is why I remember John Locke so well. Well, that and all his great ideas that really made today happen.
17. A person I have studied about in school is Bill Gates. He invented Microsoft Word. It is helpful for students now that he made it because we use it for school. I don’t remember much about him, but it was a good idea to do this.
18. A famous person who I learned about this year is a king of England named Henry III. He was a ruler who wanted a son to take his throne. So he got married. When his wife failed to give him a son, he divorced her. So he got married again. But this time she failed, but instead of divorcing her, he had her head cut off. He did this now. After about six wifes, he realized that he loved these women for all the wrong reasons. So then he ended up dying.
19. Thomas Edison is an important person to study because before him there was no light.
20. Thanks to Johnny Appleseed, we have apple flavored & inspired food & desserts. We have: apple sauce, apple sider, apple pie, apple cake, & apple juice. So every time I eat an apple pie or climb a tree for an apple, I say thank you Johnny.
21. Beatrice ear-dropped on their conversation in the garden.
22. Good and evil are totally different from one another.
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4 comments:
I couldn't help chuckling aloud...thanks for sharing, Katherine!
Ben
Too funny...here's one of my students describing the process of mummification:
First they find a dead body then take out all its organs. They stick a stick up its nose and take out its brain piece by piece. Once they are done, they rub it with oil then stick it in salt for 70 days. Then it is time to put the spices on then jewelry. They cover it up with papyrus from its hands to its legs until you can't see the whole body. Then build a casket, put it in the casket, and take it off to the pyramid and there you go.
My favorite blooper of late is when a second-grade student gleefully announced her sister was going to be in a (Shakespeare) play "Nothing to Do About Anything."
Hey Kath,
Very funny. I have one.
I was correcting a homework for one of the kids in Kate's class. One page had kids write or draw something that's solid, (they were learning solids and liquids) that they see in the refrigerator. He apparently saw a computer in his fridge (drew a picture of one and wrote 'computer'). The teacher and I both had a good chuckle over that one.
Elina
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